Writer Wednesday – Cindy Spencer Pape on Male POV

Cindy Spencer Pape writes paranormal, contemporary, historic and erotic romance. She’s also a fan of fantasy and mystery, so she’ll fit right in here. I first learned about her through her urban fantasy, MOTOR CITY FAE, which I purchased when I first got my nook (along with a whole slew of Carina Press ebooks). She decided to write about how to write from a male point of you, (if you don’t happen to be male). So without any further ado, heeeeeeeere’s Cindy!

Through His Eyes

by Cindy Spencer Pape

Let’s face it—most romance readers and authors are female. Most. Not all. But it’s that bulk of you ladies I’m addressing today, though any guys out there can probably put a reverse spin on what I’m about to say and get some use out of it. Anyway, it can be difficult to write deep point of view when the POV character is the opposite gender. I’ve been told I have a knack for writing believable male POV, which isn’t a huge surprise. As a teen, I spent most of my time as “one of the guys,” a tomboy despite my fondness for jewelry and romance. I have two brothers, no sisters, and a mom who didn’t own a lipstick—or if she did it was older than me. Now I live with a husband and two sons. My father and brother share a house nearby. One of the dogs is female, but otherwise, I’m on my own.

Motor City Fae is available through Carina Press. Click cover for link.

So, as much as any straight woman can, I’ve got a pretty good grip on the male psyche. Oh—and I still can’t grasp the concept of $300 shoes, so maybe I get guys better than I get other women! One more caveat: every man is different and unique. Many have soft spots—even the most macho man can have one or two typically “feminine” traits. So guys, please don’t take offense at this if one of my generalizations is dead wrong for you! My very masculine husband is a clothes snob and a gourmet cook. I can burn water.

So maybe that’s rule #1: there are always exceptions. Adding one or two of these characteristics will actually make your guy MORE believable—even if he’s a vampire or space alien.

And here are a few more generalizations that might help some women write more believable male POV. Take the ones that work for your character and ignore the rest.

#2: Shorter, crisper sentences in speech and in thought processes. Guys tend to be more linear, and prefer less complex language. Read Ernest Hemingway or Elmore Leonard.

Also cruder terminology, and don’t skimp on the sports analogies. A woman may think of a last-ditch attempt in a dire situation as just that. A guy will probably call it a “Hail Mary pass.”

#3: Protectiveness of his family and friends is bred into the bone and reinforced in his upbringing. He can’t help it. Possessiveness of his female is an outgrowth of that, and pretty hard to overcome.

#4: Simplify descriptions, especially colors & clothes. Unless he’s an artist of some sort, or has six sisters, he probably neither know or care about the difference between lilac and mauve. He probably also doesn’t know the difference between a cardigan and a shrug, kitten heels vs. princess heels, and he doesn’t know that strappy is an adjective about shoes. And he doesn’t care. He thinks “tight blue sweater” not “soft azure, angora wraparound.”

#5: Once he makes a decision, that’s it. Skip the internal agonizing. Guys are far less likely to waste time second-guessing themselves. In our society, they’ve been raised with far more self confidence than we women.

#6: Sports are important. They just are. Maybe not all sports, or all the time, but they’re part of the male lifestyle, and discussing them is as important for male bonding as talking about boyfriends or babies is for females.

#7: He WILL think about sex pretty much whenever he thinks about the heroine, unless they’re in immediate danger—and maybe even then. Love can make all the difference in his life, but sex is hardwired into his brain.

While I could go on for days, this is a little bit to get you thinking about using a slightly different voice for writing in male POV. And guys, remember—I said there are always exceptions! Vive la difference!

~*~

The Cowboy's Christmas Bride is available through Wild Rose Press. Click Cover for link.

To illustrate her point, Cindy has provided an excerpt from her contemporary romance, The Cowboy’s Christmas Bride. To give you some idea of what it’s about, here’s the blurb:

Running from a wedding gone wrong, Allison finds herself snowbound with a sexy rancher.  CJ has been left at the altar once, so he’s leery of getting involved with a runaway bride, while Allison is afraid to love at all.  Can the magic of the holidays, and CJ’s big crazy family, help them overcome the past, and make this the best Christmas ever?

And the excerpt:

He carried his sleepy nephew over to the portable playpen and laid him on his back, the way his sisters had taught him with their kids years earlier.  After covering the boy with a blanket, CJ stalked down the hall toward the bathroom to find the woman who’d invaded his home.

The door was still shut and the light was on, he noticed right away, and he closed his eyes in relief that she wasn’t wandering around his house on her own.  No, he reasoned, she’d probably just decided to take a shower or bath to warm up, which he’d have suggested himself if his brain had been working properly.  Still, he’d better make sure she was all right.  He could practically hear his mother’s voice.  Ever since they’d died, his conscience had sounded like one of his parents.  Which one, well, that depended on the situation.  Mistreatment of a houseguest was definitely Mom’s territory.  He leaned forward and knocked.

“Everything okay in there?”  Then he heard the sobs.  Damn it all to hell, she was crying again.  He hated it when women cried.  Neither his mother nor his sisters had cried often, so CJ had never learned to deal with sobbing females.  To him, tears had always meant a serious problem, though as an adult, he’d learned the error of that belief.  Some women, his ex-fiancée, for example, used tears as a weapon.  Every time he’d upset her, it had cost him plenty—pearl earrings for missing dinner, a diamond bracelet for forgetting one of her imaginary ‘anniversaries’.  No, women like his sisters were rare compared to women like Daphne, so CJ instinctively put Allison Kendricks in the latter category.

Still, his overactive conscience nagged, if something was genuinely wrong with the woman in his bathroom, he was the only person available to help.  Responsibility was a pain in the butt.  He tapped politely on the door.  “What’s wrong, Ms. Ken—Allison?”

There was a shuffling noise, and the door opened to reveal her standing there, still wearing her bedraggled wedding gown, though it looked somehow deflated.  Politeness required him to stifle a chuckle.  With her stringy hair and smeared mascara, she bore a striking resemblance to a young Alice Cooper in full makeup.  Figuring she wouldn’t appreciate the comparison, he kept his mouth shut.

“I c-can’t get the stupid thing undone!”  Two fat tears rolled down her cheeks, and he noticed she was shivering again.  When he raised an eyebrow, she turned to reveal a long line of tiny pearl buttons running from the gown’s high neckline to the curve of her butt.  A few buttons at the top and a couple more at her waistline were loose, but the rest remained secure.  The thing had clearly been designed for a bridegroom to take off slowly, rather than being removed by the wearer.

Gritting his teeth, CJ reached out a hand and rested it steadily on her shoulder.  Allison jumped like a skittish colt, but then quieted almost immediately.

“Thank you,” she murmured in a tiny voice as he began to unfasten the damned dinky buttons.  There had to be at least thirty of the little suckers, he griped silently, his thick callused fingers slipping off of the damp plastic pearls.  He finally got the chance to peel a woman out of her wedding gown, and not only did he not get to sleep with her, but even his hands wouldn’t cooperate.   He hoped the fates were laughing their heads off at their great cosmic joke on CJ Hall.

~*~

And let the discussion begin! Feel free to post your own related excerpts and to comment on excerpts that others may post.The usual rules apply:

  • Keep excerpts brief–between 300-400 words, TOPS.
  • Post critiques and excerpts as separate comments.
  • If you are replying to a comment, use the reply link on the comment that you are replying to. This will cause the comments to appear together and will make discussions easier to follow.
  • For new, unrelated comments, use the comment box at the bottom of the page.
  • Keep it fun!

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66 thoughts on “Writer Wednesday – Cindy Spencer Pape on Male POV

  1. Tia Nevit

    I liked your excerpt. And I do see what you mean about really getting into the guy’s head.

    It’s hard for me to choose an excerpt! But I did do something really tricky for a 40ish woman. I wrote an entire short story from the point-of-view of an eighteen year old boy. It just enjoyed a very flattering rejection and I really do need to send it off somewhere else. Here’s the excerpt. It’s written in a southern dialect:

    After the car got stolen, Pa just gave up on ’em altogether.
    “It’s too much trouble and expense,” he said, “to keep cars runnin’ anymore.”

    My kid brother thought Pa was just grousin’. So did I. Of course, we’d get a car — somehow. Only poor folk weren’t drivin’ no more and we weren’t that poor yet — were we?

    But then came the day when Pa took us with him to get a new buggy. As in a horse buggy.

    “Ain’t we gettin’ another car, Pa?” Joel asked.

    “Quiet, Joel,” I told him as the dealer eyed us. Pa and the dealer started dickerin’ over the cost of the two new horses for the buggy.

    “But that was our only car,” Joel said. “How’r we gonna live without a car?”

    “Zip it,” I said, my voice firmer.

    “But didn’t the insurance money pay Pa to replace the car?”

    “Think, Joel. The insurance won’t cover another car.” I was anxious to get him to just shut up. I could tell by the set of Pa’s shoulders he was startin’ to lose patience.

    But Joel — he kept diggin’. “But –”

    “Shut up!”

    “That’s enough, boys,” Pa said.

    I sealed my lips. Pa wouldn’t ask again. He’d just backhand me.

    Later, I’ll post a gentlemen-arguing excerpt from my spy fantasy.

  2. A. Grey

    Hi Cindy! GREAT post! I’m excited to read it as I’ve got one YA written from a nineteen year old guy’s POV and I’ve started on another project – which will be a series – from the POV of an eighteen year old guy. I really like writing from the guy’s perspective because I’m a boyish, Idgy type of girl and it almost comes easier to write from a guy’s brain than a girl’s.

    Okay, here’s an excerpt from my YA, which getting some attention from agents at the moment. Catskin (Cat) is the MC’s love interest and she’s just been pulled out of a frozen river. Ans is short for Ansel (the MC)

    It took Pop and two paramedics to drag me away from Cat and pin me down. They thrashed me around until I stopped fighting them enough to be reasoned with.
    “Let them do their jobs Ans.” Pop ordered quietly.
    I got to my feet and started pacing. I couldn’t even articulate my feelings. They washed over me in uncontrolled waves, causing me to turn sharply, halt abruptly, launch into a jog, scream more than once in frustrated desperation. Then I punched one of the paramedics. I didn’t mean to. I just did. He was bent over Catskin and I saw his hand pass over her breasts. I saw him touch her.
    I couldn’t control the sudden defensive possessiveness that overtook me. She was so helpless, so exposed. Surrounded by men she didn’t know. And she couldn’t stop them. She couldn’t protect herself. I took two quick steps and punched the man who’d touched her. It wasn’t that bad a punch. I pulled it at the last minute like I had with Sascha. A big guy I hadn’t even seen yet picked me up bodily and threw me to one side, into a snow bank.
    “If he’s going to ride in the helicopter when it gets here, get him ready to go while we package her up.” He ordered Pop. Then he fixed me with a stern but somehow understanding look. “If you take another cheap shot at one of my paramedics, you won’t ever get to the hospital. I don’t care how much you love her.”

    1. Tia Nevitt

      I would only suggest you get behind his eyelids a bit more. When he punches the paramedic, the action is a bit backwards. He punches, and then he tells us why. It would have more impact if we could feel the rage building up in his head, and then having the paramedic’s action push him beyond control.

      Instead of “feelings” rolling over him in rage, try identifying the feeling. Anger? Hate? Hate rolled over me in waves. Doesn’t that work better?

      Last, when he is flung into the snowbank, let us experience it. “Suddenly, I was flying through the air, and then my mouth and eyes were filled with snow. I realized the chief paramedic.”

      What do you think?

    2. A. Grey, I think I spotted a running sentence, and maybe another couple or so that could be split up. The scene too intense for long, complicated thoughts, particularly from a young guy. {Smile}

      Other than that, it’s good. {Smile}

      Anne Elizabeth Baldwin

  3. I LOVE both of those excerpts. Great work at getting into the head of someone different from yourself!

    Oh–and I forgot a critical rule. Fart jokes, poop jokes, and The Three Stooges are always funny, no matter how old you get. Always. Even your hardest special ops agent or dragon shifter will snicker behind his hand.

    1. My father wont, tho, so there are always exceptions. {Smile}

      Anne Elizabeth Baldwin

  4. OH–and I have a shiny print copy of TCCB (excerpt above) for one random commenter, so chatter away!

  5. Cindy – love the shoes comment! I think your suggestions are 100% right on. Great post.

  6. You’re right on with all your suggestions. Sentences are shorter and tighter. Men make a decision and will stick to it unless something really drastic happens. I used all these mechanics for my 17 year old protagonist in Ninth Lord of the Night, and they worked.

    Good luck with your book – sounds like you’ve done your homework and have come up with a winner!

    Diana

  7. These are all great tips! I can see where my male protag is going to have to up his testosterone levels!

  8. Thanks, Diana! This is actually a pretty old book–37 and counting since this one. 🙂

  9. Chicory

    Darn, darn, darn. I have to go to class in a couple minutes, and I won’t be back until late. This post is terrific. I’m definitely not the tom-boy type, so trying to get a guy’s `voice’ is a bit tricky for me. Thank you so much for sharing.

  10. Neecy

    Thanks for the tips Cindy. Like I always say you’re characters are always “real.” I think you should teach a class on male POV. I for one would sign up in a heartbeat.
    Thanks again,
    Neecy

  11. I loved the excerpt and I laughed reading this post! In my opinion every word is true!
    Pssst, Cindy, look out your window…. one of those construction workers is framing your new room while wearing “Kitten heels” lol
    XXOO Kat

  12. Chicory, we’ll still be here when you get home! Neecy, you know where to find me if you need advice, and Kay, you wouldn’t say that if you’d seen my construction crew. Check out my blog today for a pic of the work so far. http://cindyspencerpape.blogspot.com/2010/09/come-say-hello.html

    Oh–and I’m running a month-long contest on my website anyone can enter. Here’s the link: http://www.cindyspencerpape.com/contest.html

  13. ROFL! Yeah, I never understood the $300 purse or shoes. I have three brothers. They’re a breed of their own theses men around us. But I LOVE writing the male POV. Here’s a scene from “Healer’s Garden” …

    Patience. That’s what was required of him. But damn, he’d been treading water a hell of a long time while he waited for destiny to change the course of his life.

    Brenimyn didn’t enjoy these monthly exhibitions any more than he liked copulating with Kylie. Though she’d never admit it, she detested his touch. He didn’t mind. It was less confusing without emotions getting all tangled in their peculiar relationship.

    Since arriving at the Garden three years ago, Brenimyn had become accustomed to arrogant women who thought they were the only intelligent creatures walking this earth. Kylie was a prime example of that conceited attitude personified.

    To the women before him, he was nothing more than a stud. Stupid, beastly and—inhuman. Oh, if only they knew what he could do, they wouldn’t think themselves so superior, now would they? But the time had not come to travel that particular road. Preparations still needed to be made. In the meantime, he would swallow his pride and let the mauling begin.

    “Their physiques are quite different from ours, not all cushy and round. Rather ugly if you ask me.” Kylie pulled off Brenimyn’s tunic and smiled up at him. “Sorry, Brenimyn. I know the truth stings.”

    Forcing his lips to lift, he bent and kissed her cheek. “Nothing is as beautiful and sweet as a woman, Kylie. Not even the flowers in the gardens.”

    1. Tia Nevitt

      Is this a science fiction romance? It looks pretty interesting!

      1. Since Nina’s not here…Yes, her book Healer’s Garden is an erotic SF from Ellora’s Cave, and Nina is a fantastic author!

  14. Cindy – I definitely agree with your points (and can sympathize with the lack of estrogen in your life – I’ve got 2 boys and a hubby myself). I also think another point is that guys are ‘doers’, which goes along with not talking out their problems. When I’m upset or my husband wants to make a gesture, or he’s worried about something he’ll *do* something – flowers, a backrub, unnecessary home repairs etc. He’s concerned and he feels things deeply but he’s not a natural chatter, wanting to talk things out, so it can take some subtle awareness to figure out through ‘sign language’ what the gesture means.

    For romance authors, I think that offers lots of potential for miscommunication and miss cues and hurt. At least until the HEA.

    Elyse

    1. Chicory

      Hi I’m back! Hmmm…. may have to borrow the idea of doing things to express emotion. That’s a good point.

  15. Excellent point, Elyse. Yes, action is much more a male thing than picking it apart. Another is when you DO get your guy to talk to you, he thinks you want answers, rather than just a sounding board. Even after 25 years, my dh hasn’t quite got that one down.

    Nina, gorgeous excerpt, and you’re certainly someone I’d recommend new authors read for writing dead-on male POV.

  16. Zrinka Jelic

    Hi Cindy,

    Love your post. I’m working on a novel set in 16th century and it’s for the most part form male’s POV. I think I did get all the points you mentioned. It was a bit of a challenge to get into male’s head, but with mostly boys in my family all I had to do was observe them. Here’s a short excerpt where he thinks about his wife while he’s away fithing war:

    “I miss our village, I miss Emina.” Matthias leaned on the wall. He stared into the distance and smiled, thinking of her soft body pressed against him. How he longed to take her in his embrace and make love to her. She wouldn’t get out of bed for days once he returned. But, there was something he couldn’t put his finger on. She’d been acting not herself. He should have paid more attention, but he didn’t.

  17. Tia

    Thanks for offering the contest, Cindy!

  18. Zrinka, (gorgeous name, btw!) observation is certainly your best tool to understanding the other half of the species! Nice excerpt, and keep writing!

  19. I’m with you on the shoes, Cindy. I really enjoyed this post and excerpt. 🙂

  20. If I used my husband as an example I’d have a stunning lack of dialogue in my book.I love your tips. Another is that they want to fix things. If I lament about something, my husband will try to fix it. I have to preface my whining with a “You don’t have to fix this, I’m just complaining.”

    Great blog.
    Boone Brux

    1. Oh, doesn’t that drive you nuts? Sometimes you just want to talk about something and they want to “fix” it. I do the same preface it with “just listen”. But he never does!

      1. {Rasie Eyebrows} I think the world just tilted. You just described my MOTHER so well, it’s uncanny! She’s never met a problem she hasn’t tried to fix! {BIG SMILE}

        Anne Elizabeth Baldwin

  21. Great post. Really liked this combo from the excerpt: “Then he heard the sobs. Damn it all to hell…” Perfect.

  22. Exactly, Boone. They don’t always get that sometimes you just want to gripe and get it out of your system. Fixing things is what they’re programmed to do.

  23. I love, love, love authentic male POV. It can make or break a book for me – and your post is spot on, Cindy! Congrats, and keep up the great work!

    1. Thanks, Marianne. I’ll agree. I don’t like reading a book where the males don’t seem real. Even when I include a male character who gets manicures, or is a great cook, hate sports, or even if they’re gay or bisexual, I still like them to think like guys.

  24. Maryanne

    Loved the blog Cindy. You certainly do have a way with male POV.

  25. Ruth Molenaar

    This is great! i have a problem with my guys not sounding guy enough according to my DH—Thanks~

    Ruth

    1. thanks, Ruth! Hope some of it works out for you.

  26. G W Pickle

    I liked the excerpts and the comments as they bring out some interesting things I have an erotic vampire romance that is written from a 19 yr old female’s POV, in 1st person present tense. (I’m a 58 yr old male) I’d like to share a “GP” excerpt that can show some of the differences between a male & female’s POV

    # # #
    But where do I fit in? You got a good paying job, a new car, and a new house. What do you need me for?”

    “Bryan. Please don’t do this to me.” Tears start to form and I hear a touch of panic in my voice. “I need you because I love you. I need you to love me and be there for me, just as I’ve been here for you. We’re married and I want us to be a team. I want to be married to you forever.”

    “Then stop playing cops and robbers, quit your job and let’s get out of here.”

    Carl interrupts. “Bryan, Allie can’t quit. Once she signed up, it was for five hundred years. Don’t be stupid, you’ve got a good thing going, don’t ruin it.”

    “Then tell me, Mr. Bruner, what am I supposed to do? Lie around the house or go spend money I didn’t make, while Allie is out working, doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t think so.”

    “Bryan calm down. You’re letting your emotions control you.”

    “What’s wrong with that? I wasn’t raised to be a kept man, I’m not some gigolo.”

    “I can’t offer you a job as an enforcer. What I can do is expedite the bookstore you wanted. The council could use you as an informer and the store as a local meeting place. That would insure you made the mortgage and utility payments. Can’t you see Allie loves you? She does need you, Bryan.”

    “Does she?”

    “I’ve been around for a very long time, Bryan. One thing I’ve learned from personal experience is that eternity can get very lonely. You’re lucky, Bryan. You have a woman who saved your life and I believe she would do anything, even sacrifice herself, for you. With both of you being vampires, you’ll have someone to love forever. My advice to you is not to blow it. Being an enforcer is really a good job and not very dangerous for vampires.”

    “Mr. Bruner, this is all happening so suddenly. I get engaged; I’m shot, almost die, get married and become a vampire, all in less than a week. I find out my wife has made major decisions without me and I have no say in any of it except I married Allie ahead of schedule. This is so crazy; everything seems so out of control. I just need time to sort things out. I almost wish I had died.”
    # # #
    I hope this helps
    G W Pickle

    1. Excellent excerpt, GW! Nice to see it from the other way around.

    2. Chicory

      That’s really awesome. I love how much his pride is wounded, that he compares being the non-working partner to being a gigolo.

  27. Mostly right on, Cindy. As always everyone exists on a bell shapped curve. Some comments:
    #2 50% right, most guys I know don’t do many sports analogies and never did.
    #3 Right on.
    #4 Really right on.
    #5 Right, but I submit it is not confined to our society. I think it’s mostly genetic.
    #6 Nah.
    #7 Right right right on! He will think about sex almost whenever he sees a woman, and whenever he doesn’t.

    1. Hello, Bart! Great to see you here! And you’re exactly right–not everyone is going to hit every point. I freely admit these are gross generalizations. And yeah, I was being polite about number 7. The guys I know are more like you describe.

    2. {thoughtful look}

      If you took “sports” out of “sports analogies,” would #2 work better? Because it should for some of the guys I know. One frind of the family draws a lot of analogies from building houses. He’s a carpenter and a handyman, and has has been all his working life so far. {Smile}

      A lot of guys I know like to draw analogies from fantasy, and from role-playing games. My father’s favorites are Middle Earth, Darkover, Pern, and Advanced Dungeons and Dragons. Other guys I know prefer different series (Valdemar, Star Trek, Star Wars and Middle Earth are particularly popular) but use them in similar ways. {Smile}

      Anne Elizabeth Baldwin

      1. That would work, Anne. The geek in me totally gets that.

        1. Thanks. Now that I think about it, it’s rather amazing how common the phrases “When Frodo and Sam were climbing Mount Doom” and “It’s like rolling a double-aught” are. {wink, GRIN}

          Anne Elizabeth Baldwin

  28. It’s real important to not overemphasize some of these or you run the risk of creating a caricature. Unless that’s your intent, then there is ample fodder here!

  29. Seriously–what Bart said is important! Don’t use all my comments on every character. Be subtle! Use with discretion.

    1. And perhaps I should note that the whole sports thing IS a subculture, though a very prominent one in many parts of the country. Just like the whole thing with shoes and women is a vocal subculture that certainly not every female gets into.

  30. I’m very auditory and really notice dialogue. It drives me crazy for a man to use terms only a woman would use whether in dialogue or in his internal monologue. And your right, he’s great if he follows almost all your guy rules, but has one characteristic that’s unusual. Great post!

  31. Tia Nevitt

    I am finally able to participate! I hope everyone hasn’t gone away!

  32. Chicory

    Okay, here is a snippet I wrote several years ago, told in first person from the POV of a seventeen-year-old (male) elf slave. I don’t know if it sounds very guy-like, so any input will be appreciated.

    “Have you seen the prince then?”

    I had just started to pick up the wineskin. I set it back down. “Prince? Oh, you mean Prince Rowan. THAT prince.”

    “Of course THAT prince. Stop fooling around, Blondel. What’s he like?”

    “Well…” I glanced around the stone kitchen. I was supposed to be serving THAT prince, as well as my lord Rasputon. I wasn’t overly concerned about the prince -he was too green to know his own power- but M’lord Rasputon could be deadly when kept waiting.

    But my sister wasn’t the only one looking at me. The kitchen had gone still The only sound was the sizzle-pop of fat dripping into the fire.

    “Well…” I repeated, “our prince is very handsome -almost as handsome as me,” (I wiggled my eyebrows at my sister.) “But far more trusting.” I launched into my imitation Lord Rasputon voice. “Oh my lord prince we’re honored that you see fit to visit our humble castle, and I just want to say though your father stopped me from stealing Lord Octavian’s stronghold, I bear neither your nor the king ill will.”

    “Careful there, Blondel,” Everett warned. “That talk of yours is dangerous.” But his lips were twitching.

    1. I like this. He’s got that teenage-vanity thing going and the impersonation is funny. Most of his sentences are short & to the point, with just enough slang to make him seem young.

    2. Tia Nevitt

      I liked the banter, especially.

      1. Chicory

        Thanks, Tia and Cindy. This story’s meant to be a `heroic quest’ tale from the comical sidekick’s POV. (Which means it’s vital that the protagonist be funny.) I think comical sidekicks deserve a lot more love and respect than they get. 🙂

  33. Tia Nevitt

    Here’s another scene I had fun writing. It’s a spy fantasy, set in a Regency-like era on a secondary (but very British) world. The narrator is a woman.
    *
    We watched the church from the side of the road, a block away.

    “Why don’t you park your hack there, Crowley?” I gestured to the dirt lot.

    “No.”

    “Why not?”

    “Because I want to be able to leave in a hurry, if necessary. I’ll keep it parked right here. If someone remains with the hack, no one will object.” He looked at Julian as he said this.

    “And you want me to remain with the hack?” Julian asked.

    “You do drive, don’t you?”

    “Well, of course, but—“

    “Thanks, old chap.”

    Julian frowned. “I’m not so easily maneuvered.”

    “Oh, draw straws, why don’t you?” I asked in exasperation. “Someone has to remain behind and I don’t drive.”

    To my further exasperation, they did draw straws. Crowley picked a few stemmy weeds out of the turf, tore them to uneven lengths, arranged them in his fist and presented them to Julian. With a scowl, Julian drew.

    He lost.

    “The horse’s name is Tildy,” Crowley said. “There’s some apples in the boot if she gets frisky. Or, you can just trot her around the block.”

    He took my arm and pulled me toward the church.
    *
    Notice how she’s on a first name basis with Julian, but not Crowley. It explains some of his tude. 🙂

    1. Chicory

      I really love this. I think the macho one-up-man-ship in the old style British accents is hilarious. (I’m rather biased by the fact that I’m a Brit-lit geek.)

    2. Tia Nevitt

      Thanks, guys. This was such a fun novel to write.

  34. G W Pickle

    Chicory
    September 8, 2010 at 5:51 pm · Reply
    That’s really awesome. I love how much his pride is wounded, that he compares being the non-working partner to being a gigolo.
    #
    Glad you liked the excerpt. I must say that Bryan is a young Black male whose Father died at an early age. His Mom raised him and instilled a good work ethic and christian values in him.
    He is turned into a vampire to save his life and he doesn’t fully understand exactly what it means to be and live as a vampire.
    Again it was a challange to keep the dialoge acurate for age, race and gender.
    G W Pickle

  35. A. Grey

    Hey everybody! Sorry I dropped off the planet there for a while. I love everyone’s excerpts!

    Chicory: Your elf lad reminds me of a very dear-to-my-heart elf princess from one of my stories. I mean that in a good way, not an un-manly-elf way. I love how he banters and pokes fun at himself. He comes across as guy-like, but not overly egotistical or manly. It made me smile and what to know him better

    Tia: Love the competition between your two male characters. SO TYPICAL. This could be any number of guys I know… This, too, made me laugh out loud. It was just the right amount of ‘roll the eyes, and love them anyway.’

    Great discussion everyone, I’m gleaning oodles of input!

    1. Thanks A! Hope some of it’s helpful.

  36. Tia Nevitt

    I’m drawing a winner now!

  37. Hi Cindy,
    Great blog. I nearly always have some male POV in my novels. I think it enhances the story.

    Lovely excerpt.

    Regards

    Margaret

  38. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Tia Nevitt and Jordan K Rose, Cindy Spencer Pape. Cindy Spencer Pape said: RT @tianevitt Writer Wednesday – Cindy Spencer Pape on Male POV « Tia Nevitt http://bit.ly/a3GGwF […]

  39. Thanks Cindy, fantastic post, makes me want to try writing in Male POV……

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